2014년 12월 7일 일요일

Final Draft


Serious, and infectious epidemics seem to exist only in the movies or the countries far from us. However, due to the increasing international exchange such as overseas trips and trades, it started to give direct effects to all over the world and many citizens are more worried about breakout of epidemics than before. In reality, because of infectious international disease - Ebola, many Korean strongly insisted that international events that were supposed to held in DukSeong Women's University should be suspended or stopped. Although Korean government and DukSeong explained the Ebola situation, it was beyond their ability to calm down Korean citizens since there wasn't any exact news or prevention. Even though it seems to be not dangerous, the world should suspend all the international events and games if epidemic break out. 

As everyone knows, since international events and games' scale is enormous and wide, many people -especially foreigners and goods from overseas enter  to attend those events. In reality, for example, the yachting center which held the international yacht race in Qingdao, China closed its door. The government insisted that it's because of toxic algal bloom, however, a Chinese netizen disclosed that it were because of epidemic cerebrospinal meningitis.(Park, 2008) Seeing, we can realize that the government counters outbreak of epidemics by suspending its race or shutting the area because international events and its participant could spread infectious disease all over the world.  


Also, although airport quarantine station and other organization work hard by various ways, since international events have many variables, it is hard to stop epidemics by just checking overseas goods and people.

International events and breakout or spread of international epidemics might be not related. However, in two points of view -one is about prevention system, and another is about opinions and responses of citizens, proceeding international events or game quite affect our society negatively with epidemics.
Of course, WHO, governments and Airport quarantine station always keep an eye on breakout and spread of international epidemics. According to Incheon Airport Web site, they quarantine almost every good from all over the world and have very difficult, picky process or law. If you look into their manual, you will realize how difficult to bring overseas goods to the country. (Kim,2014) Also, WHO(World Health Organization) has divided the situation when the epidemic breaks out. Looked like this, many people and organization are working hard to prevent or stop the international epidemics. However, although they do their best to prevent it, dangerous infectious diseases always break out and cause negative results. It is because of increasing of an international exchange as I mentioned in the introduction. Especially, international events, which many people-maybe people all around the world attend contribute to spreading of epidemics. Occasionally, Its scale is quite extensive so many foreigners make a transfer, and they are likely to be 'moving' source of  infection. 

Actually, In 2009, during influenza season, there was Global Fair & Festival in Incheon, Korea.(Naver news,2009) As many people supposed and worried, it caused many infected people and brought chaos and concern to many people. Although people quarantine and examine foreigners and overseas goods, since quarantine and prevention are people's work, if international events and games are held, there might be serious and rapid spread of international epidemics. 

Also, in the situation that doesn't have any exact prevention of epidemics and news or report about it, just proceeding international events will only bring confusion to the people and our whole society. In effect, Korean government and the host's confused, a late decision and response made Korean citizens felt great fear when the Model UN was held in DukSeong Women's University in Seoul during Ebola season.(Choi, 2014) Even Korean citizens moved against that international events and kept insisting suspend of the event. Korean citizens did that kind of fierce behavior because there weren't enough news,reports,or certain prevention of Ebola. Therefore, their movement achieved prohibition of three Nigerian students' entry and this happening drew world's attention and brought the country's dignity down  the ground. If these events were delayed, Korean citizens would not have done these things. 

Although my opinion is correct and reasonable, some people will against my opinion. They will reason two things. First is that we can certainly solve the epidemic problem in advance since there are many systems for it. Second is that if the international events are suspended just because of spread of international epidemics, there will be loss of time and money. However, there are always unexpected elements although people and organization prevent international epidemics beforehand. Because of Ebola, many children in Africa became 'Ebola Orphan'.(Patrick,2014) Its problem can be solved soon, but we don't have enough ability to resolve the after situation. Also, since citizens have only one way to know the truth( by news, reports), calming down and ensuring them by certain solution - suspending, delaying international events can be effective way to cool down people and prevent spread or outbreak of international diseases.


Since international exchange is more increasing than before, it is hard to prevent or stop the prevalence of international epidemics. Also, if an epidemic is not familiar diseases for people, their confusion will be growing too. Therefore, the world needs to cooperate to delay the international events or stop them to calm down citizens all over the world and prevent international diseases. Remind the happening of DukSeong Women's university during Ebola season. This situation brought confusion but also a crisis between the countries. Also, this situation shows how we should react to outbreak of international epidemics when we don't have any knowledge or prevention. When there aren't exact and enough solution to prevent international epidemics, the whole world should suspend all the international events if epidemics breakout. 




References

http://www.kgnews.co.kr/news/articleView.html?idxno=401974

http://kr.wsj.com/posts/2014/10/24/

http://www.sisafocus.co.kr/news/articleView.html?idxno=103620

http://news.naver.com/main/read.nhn?mode=LSD&mid=sec&sid1=102&oid=003&aid=0002831984

http://www.mt.co.kr/view/mtview.php?type=1&no=2008071711372055272&outlink=1

http://terms.naver.com/entry.nhn?docId=1067403&cid=40942&categoryId=31659

http://terms.naver.com/entry.nhn?docId=487879&cid=42299&categoryId=42299

http://blog.daum.net/njs7908/8839592,
http://news.kukinews.com/article/view.asp?page=1&gCode=soc&arcid=0921461384&cp=nv

 http://blog.naver.com/sagemara/11046041

http://www.mt.co.kr/view/mtview.php?type=1&no=2008071711372055272&outlink=1

2014년 12월 5일 금요일

peer review (203김선혁)

According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?




How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?



Thesis

What is the thesis?

-Anonymity should be protected on the Internet.


Is the thesis clear and debatable?

-Yes it is.


If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?

-Anonymity is essential elements of the Internet.



Classical Argument

Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?

-I can easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument.


Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?

-At the introduction, he analogize the internet world as a sea. It is enough to catch readers' attention. It is really interesting introduction.

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?

-Yes it gives specific background information about how dangerous internet world is. It supports his thesis.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?

-Yes it does.

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?

-It is reasonable to support author's opinion because it points out  counterparts' argument exactly.

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?

-Yes.


Persuasion

When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?

- I disagreed with the thesis.

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?

- I still disagree with the thesis, but I think it is really reasonable essay.



Research

Is the author using research effectively?

-Yes. From real cases to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, author used
research effectively.


Is the research from appropriate sources?

- Yes it is.

Are the sources obvious?

- Yes they are.

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?

- Yes they are.

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?

- No there aren't.

2014년 12월 1일 월요일

Peer Review (203김보영)

 
Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?

4 points, it is entirely great, but the reason she insists is little awkward.


How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?

I think it needs to explain relation between openess and anonimity.


Thesis
What is the thesis?

Internet anonamity is needed in Korea.
.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?

Yes, it is clear and debatable thesis.


If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?

Internet anonamity is essential in cyberspace.

Any other thoughts?

No

Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?

I can easily identify the 5 parts.


Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
It is enough to catch my attention at first, however its thesis and introduction is not related, i think. 갑자기 익명성이 중요한 가치라고 하니까 뜬금 없는 것 같습니다. 왜 사회에서 중요한지 설명을 간략하게 하면 좋을 것 같아요
.
Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?

Yes.


Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?

Yes.

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?

Yes.

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
Yes.

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?

I think structure is great.

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?

I agreed this thesis.


When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?

I agreed this thesis because it is successful essay that insists importance of anonamity.

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?

I liked narration parts.


How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?

The author added sufficient research information.

Research
Is the author using research effectively?

Yes.

Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes

Are the sources obvious?

Yes.

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?

Yes. Especially, I liked that information that explain history of anonamity.
It supports anonamity's importance.

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
I can't understand concession part.

2014년 11월 16일 일요일

Second Draft


Serious, and infectious epidemics seem to exist only in the movies or the countries far from us. However, due to the increasing international exchange such as overseas trips and trades, it started to give direct effects to all over the world and many citizens are more worried about breakout of epidemics than before. In reality, because of infectious international disease - Ebola, many Korean strongly insisted that international events which was supposed to held in DukSeong Women's University should be suspended or stopped. Although Korean government and DukSeong explained the Ebola situation, it was beyond their ability to calm down Korean citizens since there wasn't any exact news or prevention. Although it seems to be not dangerous, the world should suspend all the international events and games if epidemic break out. 

As everyone knows, since international events and games' scale is very big and wide, many people -especially foreigners and goods from overseas enter  to attend that events. In reality, for example, the yachting center which held the international yacht race in Qingdao, China closed its door. The government insisted that it's because of toxic algal bloom, however, a Chinese netizen disclosed that it was because of epidemic cerebrospinal meningitis. Seeing this, we can realize that the government counter outbreak of epidemics by suspending its race or shutting the area because international events and its participant could spread infectious disease all over the world.  


Also, although airport quarantine station and other organization work hard by various ways, since international events have many variables, it is hard to stop epidemics by just checking overseas goods and people.

International events and breakout or spread of international epidemics might be not related. However, in two points of view -one is about prevention system and another is about opinions and responses of citizens, proceeding international events or game quite affect our society negatively with epidemics.
Ofcourse, WHO, governments and Airport quarantine station always keep an eye on breakout and spread of international epidemics. They quarantine almost every goods from all over the world and have very difficult, picky process or law. If you look into this article, you will realize how difficult to bring overseas goods to the country. 
http://blog.naver.com/sagemara/11046041
Also, WHO(World Health Organization) has divided the situation when the epidemic breaks out. Looked like this, many people and organization are working hard to prevent or stop the international epidemics. However, although they do their best to prevent it, dangerous infectious diseases always break out and cause negative results. It is because of increasing of international exchange as i mentioned in introduction. Especially, international events, which many people-maybe people all around the world attend contribute to spread of epidemics. Occasionally, Its scale is quite extensive so many foreigners make a transfer and they are likely to be 'moving' source of  infection. 

Actually, in 2009, during influenza season, there was Global Fair & Festival in Incheon, Korea. As many people supposed and worried, it caused many infected people and brought chaos and concern to many people. Although people quarantine and examine foreigners and overseas goods, since quarantine and prevention are people's work, if international events and games are held, there might be serious and rapid spread of international epidemics. 

Also, in the situation which doesn't have any exact prevention of epidemics and news or report about it, just proceeding international events will only bring confusion to the people and our whole society. In effect, Korean government and the host's confused , late decision and response made Korean citizens felt great fear when the Model UN was held in DukSeong Women's University in Seoul during Ebola season. Even Korean citizens moved against that international events and kept insisting suspend of the event. Korean citizens did that kind of fierce behavior because there weren't enough news , reports, or certain prevention of Ebola. Therefore, their movement achieved prohibition of three Nigerian students' entry and this happening drew world's attention and brought the country's dignity down the the ground. If this events were delayed, Korean citizens would have not done these things. 

Although my opinion is correct and reasonable, some people will against my opinion. They will reason two things - we can certainly solve the epidemic problem in advance since there are many systems for it, and if the international events are suspended just because of spread of international epidemics, there will be loss of time and money. However, there are always unexpected elements although people and organization prevent international epidemics beforehand. Because of Ebola, many children in Africa became 'Ebola Orphan'. Its problem might can be solved soon, but we don't have enough ability to resolve the after situation. Also, since citizens have only one way to know the truth( by news, reports), calming down and ensuring them by certain solution - suspending, delaying international events can be effective way to cool down people and prevent spread or outbreak of international diseases.


Since international exchange is more increasing than before, it is hard to prevent or stop the prevalence of international epidemics. Also, if epidemic is not familiar diseases for people, their confusion will be growing too. Therefore, the world need to cooperate to delay the international events or stop them to calm down citizens all over the world and prevent international diseases. Remind the happening of DukSeong Women's university during Ebola season. This brought confusion but also crisis between the countries. This shows how we should react to outbreak of international epidemics when we don't have any knowledge or prevention. When there aren't exact and enough solution to prevent international epidemics, the whole world should suspend all the international events if epidemics break out. 

Research

Research : 10/26 What Airport Quarantine Station do for outbreak of epidemic?
Source: http://www.mt.co.kr/view/mtview.php?type=1&no=2008071711372055272&outlink=1

My Topic:
The world should suspend all the international events and games if epidemics break out.

What I hope to learn from this source:  I want to get real case of breakout of international epidemics and its affection or danger.


Notes:

1. The yachting center which is located in Qingdao, China had to close its center. Peole predict its reason is breakout of epidemic cerebrospinal meningitis.

2. Actually, China said that they close the yachting center due to toxic algal bloom, a Chinese netizen exposed that the government  reported that epidemic cerebrospinal meningitis was just a cold.

Final Thoughts:

From this article, I could get a real case of international epidemics in the international events place. The government didn't inform what is yachting center's problem and why people had serious disease. I will use this to explain what will happen when the government do not report about international disease, which can affect us.

2014년 10월 27일 월요일

Self evaluation of the first draft

1) What score do you think you deserve? Here is the rubric:
2 points - The first draft is thoughtful and a good start to an effective persuasive essay. It demonstrates an understanding of the classical argument.
1 point - The student completes a first draft that demonstrates an understanding of the classical argument
0 points - The first draft is inadequate

- I think I deserve to get 0 points because although my first draft is completed, it seems to show readers that I didn't understand structure of the classical argument. I think I should have read many examples of the classicl argument enough.

2) What did you do well?

- I added real examples related to my topic well, and I did well on the summation because I summarize my essay and repoint my thesis well.

3) What could you have done better?

- I think I could have found more real cases and examples about my topic. It would make my first draft reasonable since it would add validity and reliability.

4) Which part of the classical argument did you use the best?

- I  believe I did the best on the last paragraph of the confirmation because real example supported my claims making it reasonable.

5) Which part of the classical argument did you use the most poorly?

- I think the narration was the most poor part because I didn't understand what that is and how I should write it.  Also, prior paragraphs of my confirmation are poor too because they seem like that I just say same thing over again.

6) What's your strategy to make your second draft better?

- I believe that I should add explanation of what is international epidemics and its damage more specifically to make readers understand my essay more esaily that before.

 

2014년 10월 26일 일요일

First Draft



Serious, and infectious epidemics seem to exist only in the movies or the countries far from us. However, due to the increasing international exchange such as overseas trips and trades, it started to give direct effects to all over the world and many citizens are more worried about breakout of epidemics than before. In reality, because of infectious international disease - Ebola, many Korean strongly insisted that international events which was supposed to held in DukSeong Women's University should be suspended or stopped. Although Korean government and DukSeong explained the Ebola situation, it was beyond their ability to calm down Korean citizens since there wasn't any exact news or prevention. Although it seems to be not dangerous, the world should suspend all the international events and games if epidemic break out. 

As everyone knows, since international events and games' scale is very big and wide, many people -especially foreigners and goods from overseas enter  to attend that events. Therefore, international events and its participant could spread infectious disease all over the world.  

Also, although airport quarantine station and other organization work hard by various ways, since international events have many variables, it is hard to stop epidemics by just checking overseas goods and people.

International events and breakout or spread of international epidemics might be not related. However, in two points of view -one is about prevention system and another is about opinions and responses of citizens, proceeding international events or game quite affect our society negatively with epidemics.
 
Ofcourse, WHO, governments and Airport quarantine station always keep an eye on breakout and spread of international epidemics. They quarantine almost every goods from all over the world and have very difficult, picky process or law. If you look into this article, you will realize how difficult to bring overseas goods to the country. 
 
http://blog.naver.com/sagemara/11046041
 
Also, WHO(World Health Organization) has divided the situation when the epidemic breaks out. Looked like this, many people and organization are working hard to prevent or stop the international epidemics. However, although they do their best to prevent it, dangerous infectious diseases always break out and cause negative results. It is because of increasing of international exchange as i mentioned in introduction. Especially, international events, which many people-maybe people all around the world attend contribute to spread of epidemics. Occasionally, Its scale is quite extensive so many foreigners make a transfer and they are likely to be 'moving' source of  infection. 

Actually, in 2009, during influenza season, there was Global Fair & Festival in Incheon, Korea. As many people supposed and worried, it caused many infected people and brought chaos and concern to many people. Although people quarantine and examine foreigners and overseas goods, since quarantine and prevention are people's work, if international events and games are held, there might be serious and rapid spread of international epidemics. 

Also, in the situation which doesn't have any exact prevention of epidemics and news or report about it, just proceeding international events will only bring confusion to the people and our whole society. In effect, Korean government and the host's confused , late decision and response made Korean citizens felt great fear when the Model UN was held in DukSeong Women's University in Seoul during Ebola season. Even Korean citizens moved against that international events and kept insisting suspend of the event. Korean citizens did that kind of fierce behavior because there weren't enough news , reports, or certain prevention of Ebola. Therefore, their movement achieved prohibition of three Nigerian students' entry and this happening drew world's attention and brought the country's dignity down the the ground. If this events were delayed, Korean citizens would have not done these things. 

Although my opinion is correct and reasonable, some people will against my opinion. They will reason two things - we can certainly solve the epidemic problem in advance since there are many systems for it, and if the international events are suspended just because of spread of international epidemics, there will be loss of time and money. However, there are always unexpected elements although people and organization prevent international epidemics beforehand. Also, since citizens have only one way to know the truth( by news, reports), calming down and ensuring them by certain solution - suspending, delaying international events can be effective way to cool down people and prevent spread or outbreak of international diseases.


Since international exchange is more increasing than before, it is hard to prevent or stop the prevalence of international epidemics. Also, if epidemic is not familiar diseases for people, their confusion will be growing too. Therefore, the world need to cooperate to delay the international events or stop them to calm down citizens all over the world and prevent international diseases. Remind the happening of DukSeong Women's university during Ebola season. This brought confusion but also crisis between the countries. This shows how we should react to outbreak of international epidemics when we don't have any knowledge or prevention. When there aren't exact and enough solution to prevent international epidemics, the whole world should suspend all the international events if epidemics break out.