Self evaluation of the first draft

1) What score do you think you deserve? Here is the rubric:

2 points - The first draft is thoughtful and a good start to an effective persuasive essay. It demonstrates an understanding of the classical argument.

1 point - The student completes a first draft that demonstrates an understanding of the classical argument

0 points - The first draft is inadequate

- I think I deserve to get 0 points because although my first draft is completed, it seems to show readers that I didn't understand structure of the classical argument. I think I should have read many examples of the classicl argument enough.

2) What did you do well?

- I added real examples related to my topic well, and I did well on the summation because I summarize my essay and repoint my thesis well.

3) What could you have done better?

- I think I could have found more real cases and examples about my topic. It would make my first draft reasonable since it would add validity and reliability.

4) Which part of the classical argument did you use the best?

- I  believe I did the best on the last paragraph of the confirmation because real example supported my claims making it reasonable.

5) Which part of the classical argument did you use the most poorly?

- I think the narration was the most poor part because I didn't understand what that is and how I should write it.  Also, prior paragraphs of my confirmation are poor too because they seem like that I just say same thing over again.

6) What's your strategy to make your second draft better?

- I believe that I should add explanation of what is international epidemics and its damage more specifically to make readers understand my essay more esaily that before.

 

First Draft

Serious, and infectious epidemics seem to exist only in the movies or the countries far from us. However, due to the increasing international exchange such as overseas trips and trades, it started to give direct effects to all over the world and many citizens are more worried about breakout of epidemics than before. In reality, because of infectious international disease - Ebola, many Korean strongly insisted that international events which was supposed to held in DukSeong Women's University should be suspended or stopped. Although Korean government and DukSeong explained the Ebola situation, it was beyond their ability to calm down Korean citizens since there wasn't any exact news or prevention. Although it seems to be not dangerous, the world should suspend all the international events and games if epidemic break out. 

As everyone knows, since international events and games' scale is very big and wide, many people -especially foreigners and goods from overseas enter  to attend that events. Therefore, international events and its participant could spread infectious disease all over the world.  

Also, although airport quarantine station and other organization work hard by various ways, since international events have many variables, it is hard to stop epidemics by just checking overseas goods and people.

International events and breakout or spread of international epidemics might be not related. However, in two points of view -one is about prevention system and another is about opinions and responses of citizens, proceeding international events or game quite affect our society negatively with epidemics.
 

Ofcourse, WHO, governments and Airport quarantine station always keep an eye on breakout and spread of international epidemics. They quarantine almost every goods from all over the world and have very difficult, picky process or law. If you look into this article, you will realize how difficult to bring overseas goods to the country. 
 

http://blog.naver.com/sagemara/11046041

 

Also, WHO(World Health Organization) has divided the situation when the epidemic breaks out. Looked like this, many people and organization are working hard to prevent or stop the international epidemics. However, although they do their best to prevent it, dangerous infectious diseases always break out and cause negative results. It is because of increasing of international exchange as i mentioned in introduction. Especially, international events, which many people-maybe people all around the world attend contribute to spread of epidemics. Occasionally, Its scale is quite extensive so many foreigners make a transfer and they are likely to be 'moving' source of  infection. 

Actually, in 2009, during influenza season, there was Global Fair & Festival in Incheon, Korea. As many people supposed and worried, it caused many infected people and brought chaos and concern to many people. Although people quarantine and examine foreigners and overseas goods, since quarantine and prevention are people's work, if international events and games are held, there might be serious and rapid spread of international epidemics. 

Also, in the situation which doesn't have any exact prevention of epidemics and news or report about it, just proceeding international events will only bring confusion to the people and our whole society. In effect, Korean government and the host's confused , late decision and response made Korean citizens felt great fear when the Model UN was held in DukSeong Women's University in Seoul during Ebola season. Even Korean citizens moved against that international events and kept insisting suspend of the event. Korean citizens did that kind of fierce behavior because there weren't enough news , reports, or certain prevention of Ebola. Therefore, their movement achieved prohibition of three Nigerian students' entry and this happening drew world's attention and brought the country's dignity down the the ground. If this events were delayed, Korean citizens would have not done these things. 

Although my opinion is correct and reasonable, some people will against my opinion. They will reason two things - we can certainly solve the epidemic problem in advance since there are many systems for it, and if the international events are suspended just because of spread of international epidemics, there will be loss of time and money. However, there are always unexpected elements although people and organization prevent international epidemics beforehand. Also, since citizens have only one way to know the truth( by news, reports), calming down and ensuring them by certain solution - suspending, delaying international events can be effective way to cool down people and prevent spread or outbreak of international diseases.


Since international exchange is more increasing than before, it is hard to prevent or stop the prevalence of international epidemics. Also, if epidemic is not familiar diseases for people, their confusion will be growing too. Therefore, the world need to cooperate to delay the international events or stop them to calm down citizens all over the world and prevent international diseases. Remind the happening of DukSeong Women's university during Ebola season. This brought confusion but also crisis between the countries. This shows how we should react to outbreak of international epidemics when we don't have any knowledge or prevention. When there aren't exact and enough solution to prevent international epidemics, the whole world should suspend all the international events if epidemics break out. 

Narration

My persuasive argument thesis is: The world should suspend all the international events and games if epidemic breaks out. 

1. What do people already know about my topic?

They already know that pandemic epidemic is seriously infectious and dangerous. Also, they know that WHO or the governments work for it if epidemics break out. And most of them are aware of increasing of international exchange. 

2. What research has already been done about my topic?

-what do airport quarantine station when epidemic breaks out?
http://blog.naver.com/sagemara/11046041

-what is international epidemics?
http://terms.naver.com/entry.nhn?docId=1067403&cid=40942&categoryId=31659

- Real case of breakout of epidemics caused by international events in Korea, Incheon
http://blog.daum.net/njs7908/8839592,http://news.kukinews.com/article/view.asp?page=1&gCode=soc&arcid=0921461384&cp=nv

3. What are the implications of my argument (What if I'm right? What if I'm right and people ignore me?)

Many people will consider about proceeding international events for whole world's safety. Also, they will be aware of exact definition and situation about pandemic epidemics. If people ignore me, they will keep worrying about passive and negative attitude or behavior of the governments about epidemics and they will be in a state of confusion. Also, they would bring bad effects of results to our society.

My Narration

As everyone knows, since international events and games' scale is very big and wide, many people -especially foreigners and goods from overseas enter  to attend that events. Therefore, international events and its participant could spread infectious disease all over the world.  

Also, although airport quarantine station and other organization work hard by various ways, since international events have many variables, it is hard to stop epidemics by just checking overseas goods and people.

Conclusion

 Conclusion

Since international exchange is more increasing than before, it is hard to prevent or stop the prevalence of international epidemics. Also, if epidemic is not familiar diseases for people, their confusion will be growing too. Therefore, the world need to cooperate to delay the international events or stop them to calm down citizens all over the world and prevent international diseases. Remind the happening of DukSeong Women's university during Ebola season. This brought confusion but also crisis between the countries. This shows how we should react to outbreak of international epidemics when we don't have any knowledge or prevention. When there aren't exact and enough solution to prevent international epidemics, the whole world should suspend all the international events if epidemics break out. 

Refutation and Concession

Refutation and Concession 

1. What is my thesis?

The world should suspend all the international events if epidemics break out.

2. What is the opposite position?

There is no need to suspend or to stop the international events because of epidemics since it is related to these problem- schedules, cost.

3. What arguments can I anticipate?
a) Moore's Law (Computer processors double in power every year). b) Kurzweil, Google's futurologist and singularity poster boy. c) Advances in robot technology mirroring human behavior.

1. Outbreak and spread of infectious disease can be solved in advance so we don't have to delay it.

2. If the international events are suspended, there will be additional financial and schedule problems.
4. How will I counter those arguments?

1.If it can solved in advance, there should be no infection in domestic condition.

2. Calming down people and certain prevention are more important than time and money problems.

My Refutation and Concession

Although my opinion is correct and reasonable, some people will against my opinion. They will reason two things - we can certainly solve the epidemic problem in advance since there are many systems for it, and if the international events are suspended just because of spread of international epidemics, there will be loss of time and money. However, there are always unexpected elements although people and organization prevent international epidemics beforehand. Also, since citizens have only one way to know the truth( by news, reports) calming down and ensuring them by certain solution - suspending, delaying international events can be effective way to cool down people and prevent spread or outbreak of international diseases.

Confrimation

1. What is my thesis?

The world should suspend all the international events if epidemic breaks out.

2. What types of source am I using to defend my thesis? 

I am using real cases, experts' opinions. 

3. Are my arguments mostly based on evidence, logic or emotion?

I think my arguments are based on both evidence and emotion. It is because I will use real case of breakout of epidemics and opinions of citizens. Also, I have some articles to support my thesis statistically or logically.
My Confirmation

International events and breakout or spread of international epidemics is not related. However, in two points of view -one is about prevention system and another is about opinions and responses of citizens, proceeding international events or game quite affect our society negatively by epidemics.

Ofcourse, WHO, governments and Airport quarantine station always keep an eye on breakout and spread of international epidemics. They quarantine almost every goods from all over the world and have very difficult, picky process or law. If you look into this article, you will realize how difficult to bring overseas goods to the country. 

http://blog.naver.com/sagemara/11046041

Also, WHO(World Health Organization) has divided the situation when the epidemic breaks out. Looked like this, many people and organization are working hard to prevent or stop the international epidemics. However, although they do their best to prevent it, dangerous infectious diseases always break out and cause negative results. It is because of increasing of international exchange as i mentioned in introduction. Especially, international events, which many people-maybe people all around the world attend.Occasionally, Its scale is quite extensive so many foreigners make a transfer and they are likely to be 'moving' source of  infection. 

Actually, in 2009, during influenza season, there was Global Fair & Festival in Incheon, Korea. As many people supposed and worried, it caused many infected people and brought chaos and concern to many people. Although people quarantine and examine foreigners and overseas goods, since quarantine and prevention are people's work, if international events and games are held, there might be serious and rapid spread of international epidemics. 

Also, in the situation which doesn't have any exact prevention of epidemics and news or report about it, just proceeding international events will only bring confusion to the people and our whole society. In effect, Korean government and the host's confused , late decision and response made Korean citizens felt great fear when the Model UN was held in DukSeong Women's University in Seoul during Ebola season. Even Korean citizens moved against that international events and kept insisting suspend of the event. Korean citizens did that kind of fierce behavior because there weren't enough news , reports, or certain prevention of Ebola. Therefore, their movement achieved prohibition of three Nigerian students' entry and this happening drew world's attention and brought the country's dignity down the the ground. If this events were delayed, Korean citizens would have not done these things. 

Research

Research : 10/26 What Airport Quarantine Station do for outbreak of epidemic?

Source: http://blog.naver.com/sagemara/11046041

My Topic:
The world should suspend all the international events and games if epidemics break out.

What I hope to learn from this source:

I want to know what do airport quarantine station for outbreak of epidemic and introduce it to the readers. 


Notes:

1. Airport quarantine station asks for international certificate of Vaccination of Cholera and Yellow fever.

2. They quarantine for animals, plants or agricultural products.



Final Thoughts:

I think this can be explanation of what do airport quarantine station for outbreak of epidemic.
However, this can support my essay because it bring us this question : Then, even airport quarantine station quarantine many goods and people, why pandemic epidemic breaks out?

Research

Research : 10/26 Real case of breakout of epidemics caused by international events in Korea, Incheong

Source:
http://blog.daum.net/njs7908/8839592,
http://news.kukinews.com/article/view.asp?page=1&gCode=soc&arcid=0921461384&cp=nv

My Topic:
The world should suspend all the international events and games if epidemics break out.

What I hope to learn from this source:

I hope this source can be supporting material which can prove that international events are likely to cause breakout of international epidemics. Also, since it is real case of breakout of epidemics, it can be more reasonable.


Notes:

1. During influenza season, Global Fair & Festival 2009 Incheon, Korea was held although many citizens worried about it.

2. Two Thailand students and 14 operating personnel became infected by Influenza.

3. Many spectators were very furious about this situation.

4. In reality, the committee didn't attend the conference of Influenza and didn't hand out the list of foreigners who entered for this events.



Final Thoughts:

I believe that this source could describe the situation which the government was quiet negligent about pandemic disease, and  there were many infected persons as a result.
I think this can add reality and validity to my essay.

First Draft Introduction

Serious, and infectious epidemics seem to exist only in the movies or the countries far from us. However, due to the increasing international exchange such as overseas trips and trades, it started to give direct effects to all over the world and many citizens are more worried about breakout of epidemics than before. In reality, because of infectious international disease - Ebola, many Korean strongly insisted that international events which was supposed to held in DukSeong Women's University should be suspended or stopped. Although Korean government and DukSeong explained the Ebola situation, it was beyond their ability to calm down Korean citizens since there wasn't any exact news or prevention. Although it seems to be not dangerous, the world should suspend all the international events and games if epidemic break out. 

1. Attention grabber -
I attracted the audience by explaining real case of breakout of international disease and responses of Korean citizens. And I pointed out why citizens responded like that.

2. Explains the topic-
In the attention grabber, I introduce all the elements of my topic : reasons why epidemic spreads more effectively nowadays, responses of citizens about breakout of epidemics, and the their connections with my thesis.

3. My thesis -
It is reasonable, and clear. I believe that to support my thesis "The world should suspend all the international events and games if epidemic break out", explaining current situation related to international disease Ebola was effective.

Articulation

1) My argument

I want to insist that the whole world should stop international events if epidemics break out.  Although all the citizens of the world worry about epidemics and demand to stop any international events or movement , the government ignore citizens' opinion  even they do not have effective solution. Therefore I believe, to prevent international infectious disease and relieve people, the whole world should  cooperate to stop international movements.

2) How I found my argument

My first research question was that  what is characteristic and definition of  internaional infectious disease. It helped me to understand exact definition of international epidemic and its many other traits which will be used to understand the readers. Also, it guided me to find out more informaion about another rold of WHO and maneuver of governments for prevention of international epidemics. I believe that my research was reasonable for my essay because it is necessary explanation to understand my essay.

3) New research questions

I still need these several questions for my essay.

a) Is there real damage case of epidemics which caused by international events in Korea and other countires ?

b) What Airport  Quarantine Station do for outbreak of epidemics?

c) What are prevention of International Infectious disease?

d) What is trait of  International events?

4) Connections to the Harvard Sampler

This argument has many connections to the Harvard Sampler. The chapter 'Medical Detectives' is about Public Health and history of epidemics over the past and until now. My topic is about present situation toward epidemics, so it is connected with the Harvard Sampler.

Research

Research

Research Example: 10/7 Simple explanation of  International infectious disease.

 

Source:
http://terms.naver.com/entry.nhn?docId=487879&cid=42299&categoryId=42299

My Topic:
The world should suspend all the international events and games if epidemics break out.

What I hope to learn from this source:
I hope to learn about why it is dangerous and its solution of  international infectious disease.

Notes:

 1. International infectious disease is epidemic which its infectivity is very strong.
    - International infectious disease is not an academic term.

2. It doesn't exist in paritular countries, so its precautionary   measure or treatment are not established well. Therefore its fatality rate is very high.

3. To prevent international infecious disease, solution such as isolation ward, laboratory and facility has been devised.

Final Thoughts:

I could learn about exact meaning of international diseas and its dangerousness. Also, I want to research more about its solution and prevention.